All the nice things to eat make you fat.
Exercising your dog like a demon for an hour every day makes him far less of a demon the other 23.
A well behaved polite and friendly dog will still be adored by your friends even if he’s ugly.
An ill mannered dog who is a pain in the ass to be around will be thought ugly by your friends, no matter how good looking he is.
Everything savory in the fridge can be greatly improved by a tub of queso cheese.
Your food always looks better to your dog than his own…..
The higher the meat content in your dogs bowl, the stiffer the poop.
Dogs need good friends, just like we do……..
Everybody’s personality is far more riveting when you add a splash of tequila.
You can deftly end any boring phone conversation by loudly screaming ‘No, No…Oh My G……….!’ (I do it all the time….)
Poop within half a mile will end up on my boots.
Celery is boring and must be banned as unfit for human consumption.
Johnny Depp doesnt really want a rail thin stick insect for a wife…hes a secret chubby chaser. I just know it!
Dogs can tell the difference between chuck and filet mignon.
The best friends in life to have are not the ones who laugh at your jokes… they’re the ones who tell you when you re not really very funny.
Its hard for my kids to live up to my dogs…but they’re trying, bless ’em!